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Day 123

By Brian Hancock

OK, we are getting down to ground zero again; race day soon come as they say in Jamaica. There has been a whole lot of shaken but not stirred in Auckland. Crew coming and going and some penalties issued. I am not going to comment; not my job, if this drivel is even my job, but I want to help out all of the competitors in the McIntyre Ocean Globe Race. With a few tips.

Look over your lists before you leave the dock and make sure that you have these.

#1 – toilet paper

#2 – toilet paper

# 3 – I know that you thought that I was going to say toilet paper but I was going to say elbow grease.

#4 – toilet paper

#5 – matches, and I am not talking about matching outfits although Sterna did look quite sparkling when they rocked up in Auckland. So did Explorer in their matching white uniforms – go Captain Coconut.

#6 – WD40. That always loosens up a tricky situation. Ask my second wife…🙂

#7 – make sure that your sight reduction tables are up to date. They have only been around for as long as the sextant has, but you will need them.

#8 – toilet paper

#9 – don’t forget your skipper. He/she is the one that holds all the cards.

#10 – bring some cards. It’s a long way to Uruguay. And work on your poker face.

#12 – read up on Uruguay. It’s an amazing country. I actually had dinner with the President of Uruguay once but he is long gone. Not because of me, or maybe it was because of me. Not really sure.

#13 – when those Maoris come down to the dock to say goodby, the rubbing of noses means nothing more than rubbing of noses. Well, yes it does but I don’t have that much time to explain things. Just be careful to not get in their way as my great friend Billy Black, the photographer, found out the hard way when he was bumped into the water with all his brand new camera gear just a couple of hours before the race start; but there you go.

#14 – matches

#15 – more matches. You never know. They could get wet.

#16 – bring a book – one of mine preferably. They are all good. All 19 of them.

#20 – baby powder. I know that it has since been labeled a carcinogen, but what the heck, it makes you smell better.

#21 – a good attitude. It’s going to get rough and tough and the best that you can do is live the dream.

#22 – don’t bring a doctor who watches porn; true story but more of that later.

#23 – did I already mention WD40? If so I apologise. I meant to say duct tape. My old mate Captain Ti*s, who was my best man at my wedding would always say, there is nothing on a boat that you can’t fix with a little bit of WD40 and some duct tape. He is still holding up at beyond 70 years old so he must be right.

#25 – don’t forget your sewing machine otherwise you may get a severe penalty. Read the NOR, as in Notice of Race.

#26 – and this is that last one, well second last one. Keep those notes from your Mom close and even closer when the sh*t hits the fan. You are going to need them.

#27 – and don’t forget the toilet paper

Good luck to all the OGR sailors. You are my hero’s Pack it up. Tighten it up and get ready for the ride of your life.


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